Renee's Story 38-41

“Oh, don’t be like that.” he snickered. I turned away, embarrassed, gazing out the dirty, dusty windows. The place couldn’t have possibly been thoroughly cleaned, at least not in months. My eyes traveled through the glass of the window. The snow was now floating down in thicker, white forms. I peered out at it, mesmerized.
“Well, I’d better get you home. You ready?” He asked, staring down at my half-finished ice cream cone. “Oh, nevermind,” he added, smirking.
I lurked on a thought, considering whether or not I should bring it up. I looked up into his eyes, shivering slightly as they stared back in passion and almost rage. They seemed different tonight.
“Sorry that I’m taking so long with this ice cream,” I apologized, looking down at the table quickly. I slid my last thought away, not wanting to bring up his family.
“Don’t be sorry,” he chuckled.
I felt guilty for not asking. He seemed to be the type the sensitive type, so I figured maybe it’d be best to just ask him later. I swallowed the bottom of my ice cream cone whole, enjoying the creamy, ice cream and cone combination. That was definitely my favorite part of the cone.
“You ready?” He asked, smiling. I noticed his eyes were turning a slight hint of orange inside of the green, outer part of them. I nodded, getting up from my seat. He held the door open for me, and we both strode out in the blizzard. I immediately wrapped my scarf around my face more tightly, closing my eyes partly and squinting to see.
We reached the white mini cooper, which now looked camouflaged through the falling snow. Pastor Dennis brushed off the top of the cooper and opened up my door for me and ushered me in. I jumped in, shivering like mad.
He came around the other side and got in too, exclaiming, “Woo! It’s cold out there!” I laughed, enjoying his statement of obviousness. We drove off and I reached over and turned on the radio, searching for a favorable station. Country riffs and rock and roll singers flooded out through the speakers. I searched intently for an upbeat song, and I finally settled in on a song I knew very well. The lyrics flooded out of my mouth, and I half-realized that my youth pastor was still in the car with me.
Pastor Dennis turned to me, intently, and unaffected. “You have a good voice. Why in the heck doesn’t Jared just let you on?”
I shrugged. “No clue.” The song ended, and a man began talking, repeating the song title that had just been played, and trailing off to the weather report.
He turned to me again, this time serious. “Becca, tell me about yourself.”
I sighed. “There’s nothing interesting about me at all,” I snapped, more then I would have liked to.
“I just want to be able to get to know you more. I like to be able to get to know all my youth groupers on a personal level. I’ve hardly even known you for that long,” he explained, almost forcefully.
I gave in. “You wanna know about me? I’m miserable, messed up, hopeless and lost,” I spoke, my true feelings coming out.
“I know you are. I know you’re hurting. Becca, I can’t even imagine losing a friend like that. How do you stand it?” He spoke, looking over at me now.
“Well...” I drifted off, pausing for a moment. “I’m not one to show feelings, really.”
He paused for a moment, thoughtful. “I know exactly how it is, and I am just like you, Becca. My wife - well, my ex-wife, was killed in a plane crash. It was just a small passenger plane, only about twenty-five people. I don’t talk about it.” His facial expression and voice told me that it pained him to talk about this.
I was so surprised, and felt suddenly very sorry for him. I wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know how. So much for bringing up the question of his wife’s absence, too. I decided her lack of presence in the pictures on his desk was due to a need to forget she ever existed. My insides twisted in a knot. I immediately felt sympathy for him, knowing that our feelings were mutual.
“What about your kids? I have never met them,” I spoke softly, my head turned toward him, avoiding questions about his wife.
“My kids are Landon and Ash. They live with me, but their grandmother takes care of them most of the time. I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like to. It blows. This job at the church that I have means everything to me, but I hardly get to spend time with my kids anymore. I’m running here and there, everywhere, trying to please everybody. It’s not an easy job, Becca.” His sounded exhausted.
“You do a good job though. Everyone loves you, Pastor Dennis.” I said, sincerely.
He looked over at me, a half smile spread across his face. “You think so?” I could tell it pleased him. I nodded. How could you not love somebody like him?
His gaze fell upon the road once more. He changed the subject. “I know you have a musical gift, just hearing you sing like that. That is so cool.”
“Why can’t you just tell Jared to stop being such a meat head, and put me on worship team yourself?” I blurted out, angrily.
“I wish so badly that I could put you up on worship team myself, but this youth group is supposed to be kid-led, especially for worship. I have no right to tell Jared what to do.” He insisted. His voice was hard.
I sighed. “Well, if I have such a musical gift on my life, why can’t you just tell him that. Jared is not on my good list right now. I don’t understand why he’s acting like this.” I was being honest now, and he could tell. I was happy that I could be myself around him, knowing that he wouldn’t Bible thump me.
“Don’t you worry about Jared. I’ll take care of things. In fact, I want to get you started with music. Instead of worship team, why don’t you start your own band? Don’t you write songs?” He asked.
“Yes. They aren’t very good,” I said, sighing in disappointment.
“I haven’t even heard you play them. Has anyone heard you play them before?” Pastor Dennis was immovable.
“No. I don’t think you want to hear them.” I half cracked-up as I tried to say this solemnly. He chuckled at my attempt. I loved his laugh.
“Alright, I’ll play them for you sometime.” I gave in. “When can I play them for you?”
He replied, business-like, “We’ll figure out a day, don’t worry. In the meantime, here we are.”
I looked up, confused, to find we were already at my house. Deep anguish cut through me as I realized I would have to leave now. I didn’t want to go.
I pushed down and unbuckled my seat belt. He held out his arms, waiting for a hug. I reached over and engulfed him in my arms, grinning and enjoying his warm embrace while it lasted.
“Thank you so much.” I repeated to him again. I felt like an idiot, not knowing what to say.
“No problem. Becca, don’t you worry. You deserve a lot better than what you’ve

been getting. You deserve the moon! Things will get better. I promise you that.” His

voice was so sincere. I couldn’t help but grin beneath my blank face. It was the first

genuine smile in a long time. Maybe things would get better after all.