***Lindsay would like everyone to know that the section with Aubree waking from a coma will have major revisions!***
Seven
The amusement this new world gave me faded as it was filled with wondering when I would hear another voice, and whether I would recognize it or not. Another voice did come, eventually. It wasn’t one I recognized, no surprise there. It was a deeper, more monotone voice. One that was much more even and collected than the voice I had previously heard.
“I’m here, honey,” the voice said, and after a pause, “Aubree, do something!” the deep voice begged, “Let me know that your alive!” The voice was hurting and sounded more pained now.
I got nothing that could give me a clue as to who this new voice belonged to. It was just talking to me, which suddenly wasn’t good enough. I then grew furious, and pushed at the barriers, wanting to get out, but I got nothing, and to top it all off, the voice stopped, too.
Was this how I was going to spend the rest of my existence? Trying to get out of this world I’m trapped in, and never succeeding? I’ll never see the people I love and care for again.
“Come on, Aub! I know your in there. Don’t give me this crap.”
This voice caught me off guard, as I immediately knew that this new voice belonged to the most important person in my life. Marjorie. This is Marjorie’s voice, I’m sure of it. Her face then came into my head, as the first thing I’ve really seen the entire time I’ve been here. Her big blue eyes, with her black hair and sharp features.
She kept talking. “You have to come back. Our family is falling apart with you like this. I can’t lose my best friend!” she cried, “I just can’t!” The image faded away.
I’m trying, Marjorie, I’m trying! Help me get out of here! I wanted to scream at her. I suddenly wanted to give up. I couldn’t do anything here, so why keep trying? Let me die here. I don’t want to live anymore.
I need to hear Marjorie’s voice again, if I want to last any longer. Please, I begged, to anyone that would hear me.
I listened, but heard nothing. The pain I was feeling was suddenly halted as I then felt something different. I didn’t see anything different, but I could feel something literally touching me. My face tickled as it started to feel wet, like it was raining, and then those wet drops that covered my face just slid down into nowhere. They continued to poke my face randomly, as I suddenly realized that these were tears- but I wasn’t crying. They weren’t coming out of my eyes, but dropping onto my face from somewhere distant. The pieces then clicked- Marjorie had just been talking to me, which meant she had been somewhere relatively close, like she was leaning over me. These tears were hers, as she cried over me, and I could feel them.
That caught me off guard. I could feel them. What did that mean? Did one layer of this barrier that separated us disappear? Did that mean that all of me wasn’t stuck in this dark world, just my mind, and that my body was with her? I didn’t know, and knew that I wouldn’t get any answers. What more could I do to unveil another layer? My head filled with questions that made me more and more saddened and angry. Not wanting to continue living like this seemed like it pushed me deeper and deeper into the darkness, but Marjorie did just communicate with me somehow, right? I was so confused and didn’t know what to do but just wait. Wait for the next voice, and hope that it’s Marjorie’s.
Waiting doesn’t seem as long as it really is when you don’t care anymore. I wanted to hear someone again, but who know’s how long it will be. Why wait? Just let it come.
What I was waiting for then came, a lot sooner, of course.
“So this is how it’s gonna be, huh? Mom crying herself to sleep every night. Dad never cracking any more jokes. Alex stopping his drawing. You know he never put his sketchbook down. I can’t live like this. Your like a vegetable, Aub. You used to move around sometimes, but now your still. I don’t know what to do,” Marjorie cried.
Don’t do anything! I screamed to her, knowing she wouldn’t hear me, Stay with me and help me get out of here!
No answer.
Marjorie disappeared.
***
I continued to drop deeper than I thought possible into the murkiness of this place. I still haven’t given it a name, but what does it matter? My life is nothing to me or to the people on the other side, or else I would be out of here by now.
I faded lower and lower, until the black swirls started to smother me, and I couldn’t hold on to my train of thought. My memory started to disappear, as well as my sense of feeling. My body went numb as I lost my sense of vision, too.
This must be it. This is the end.
I held on to any memory of this life as possible, knowing that it will be my last chance to connect with reality.
Eight
I wonder if this is what death is really like. Going from stage to stage, experiencing the different levels. This new level was much more colorful, but it started out very dim and dull. I was aware that I came from some other distant place, but I couldn’t remember exactly where I had been. When I came to this new place I saw absolutely nothing, like my eyelids were closed, but as I got my bearings somewhat straightened out, I could see many colors blended together. All of the colors I was familiar with was all I saw, starting out with a big mush of different shades, but then they started to get sharper and clearer, until I saw, what looked like a pair of hands.
I stared down at the hands, which were connected to arms, which were connected to...me. My eyes then slowly looked away and up. I was in an unfamiliar room, but at the same time it still feels like I’ve seen this place before. I was laying in a white bed, and I could hear buzzing around me and soft murmuring in the distance. As I looked around, I realized that there was a small, unkempt woman sitting at the foot of my bed with messy hair and tired eyes that had dark circles beneath them, but as I looked into those extremely familiar blue eyes, my heart seemed to stop beating and my world came crashing down around me as I looked at my mother. I knew it was her. The memories of the world I had just been in quickly flashed before my eyes, from the first time I was floating in the black swirls, the first time I heard my mothers voice in the darkness, to when I first pictured Marjorie’s face, to the anger I felt, then to what I thought was my death be cause I had given up. It all came back to me in the matter of a second.
My mother looked like she had just witnessed a murder, with her eyes bulging out of her head and her jaw dropped. “Aubree?” she whispered, “Aubree, thank God!” she sobbed as she stood up, her knees giving out, as she threw herself at me.
I didn’t know what to say besides just to look at her. My mind was racing 100 miles a minute but I couldn’t make anything come out. Nothing had actually set in yet. I didn’t grasp the fact that I was safe in my mother’s arms where the obscurity that I was now afraid of couldn’t overcome me.
Everything was happening so quickly that I didn’t even notice the man that was my father doubled over by the side of my bed, crying.
My mother then pulled away, looking at me, and wiped the tears from my eyes. I was crying. It was the first real human emotion I had given off, that I was aware of, in what seemed like forever. She noticed where my attention was mostly at, and looked down at my father, calling his name in a broken voice.
He got up and my mother moved out of the way, still keeping my hand, so my dad could have a turn with the hugs. “I new you would make it, Aubree. I knew it,” he whispered between sobs.
I have no idea what kind of condition im in, but being here, safe with my parents overwhelmed me with emotion, me saying nothing, this whole time.
My parents both leaned back and tried to collect themselves, never taking their eyes off me. What parent can take their child waking up after a long period of time, cooly, not knowing what, if anything, they’ve been through? That thought got me thinking: how long was I out?
I had to ask. It was a struggle to find my voice, but when I did it came out as a raspy, hushed whisper. I couldn’t fully get my voice out. “How long have I been out?”
As the first thing I’ve said to my parents since I’ve been back, the looked at me wide eyed, a flash of a smile on their faces, which then faded as it was my dad who told me the honest answer. “About five months,” he said. That answer he gave seemed to take them off of cloud nine and bring them back to the earth and realize the actuality of this situation and I could see the look of horror on their faces. I have been laying comatose in this bed, away from my family, putting them all in pain, for five months.
He came closer to me. “Aubree, we didn’t think that you were going to make it. The doctors didn’t think you were going to make it either,” he said, starting to get choked up again, “they were thinking about putting you on life support but we would’ve rather had you go when it’s your time instead of keeping you like this,”
My stomach dropped. I didn’t know how to take this. My father just told me that I’m really not supposed to be alive. That isn’t news that you get everyday. I looked at their faces, taking this in, and as I did, I saw something different. Something was wrong- and I mean, really wrong.
My poor family. For the past few minutes my thoughts have been coming so quickly and everything second is passing like a blur, and I haven’t stopped to think about the rest of my family, including my best friend, my sister. How ignorant of me not to have thought of Marjorie the second I opened my eyes.
I immediately jerked myself upward, being stopped by the many tubes that are stuck into my body like I’m some kind of science experiment. My mom’s gentle hands pushed me back down on the bed as she could see my eyes pop open wide.
“Marjorie!” I shouted, much stronger than before. “Let me see her!” I growled.
“Honey,” my mom comforted, “lay back down. It’s okay. Calm down,” she chanted, as my father turned around and walked out of the room so I couldn’t see his face.
“Let me go get a nurse. I’ll be right back,” she said, panicked, as she quickly turned on her heel and ran out of the room, leaving me alone.
I’ve been in a coma for five months, and they leave me alone like this? What is going on? Now I know for sure something is seriously wrong. I can sense it.
Nine
Even though my parents were out of the room for less than two minutes, it felt like forever when a handful of nurses and a doctor came in, with my mom trailing behind, all sense of her panic gone. She must have collected herself out in the hallway. Where did she learn to hide what she was feeling before it spread all over her face and gave her away?
The doctor’s attention immediately went to me, and I knew that this was the first time she saw me awake in a very long time. Had she seen me awake at all before? I couldn’t remember.
The young doctor greeted me with a nice smile and a “Hi, sweetie,” as she walked towards me, “I’m Dr. Michaels. You must be Aubree. It’s nice to formally meet you,” she said in a professional, yet kind voice as there was a flurry of nurses checking monitors and flipping through papers around me. I noticed my mother standing towards the corner of the room, with tears streaming silently down her face. I couldn’t tell by the look on her face whether it was because she was sad or happy. Maybe it was a mixture of both. My father still hadn’t returned to the room- another thing that confused me.
Dr. Michaels got my attention then, as I reluctantly tore my eyes away from my mom and looked in to the doctor’s. As I did, something about her brown eyes were very familiar.
“So, Aubree. In a nutshell, how are you feeling? I know that seems like a silly question to ask you, but we need to start somewhere.”
I had to stop and think about that. The entire time I’ve been awake I haven’t really acknowledged my physical state. I looked down at my body and it just looked like a big lump under the blanket. I didn’t know if I could move any of my limbs, but I don’t dare try just yet.
“I feel like...I don’t know. How would you feel if you were in my position? I don’t know what I feel like right know, okay?” I stuttered, my weak tone not as polite as it should’ve been.
“Okay, I understand,” Dr. Michaels said, “well, obviously you can somewhat talk, and you know that you are in a hospital, but can you remember how you got here?”
“No, I can’t remember. There are lots of things that look oddly familiar, like you for one, but I can’t recall seeing any of them before,” I said.
“Right,” she said, understanding, moving on to the next question, “can you give me your full name- first, middle, and last?” she asked.
“Sure. It’s Aubree...Aubree...,” I stuttered again, obviously struggling. I couldn’t even remember my name. I started to panic. What did this mean?
The doctor obviously noticed my moment of alarm and tried to calm me. “Oh, it’s okay, honey. Lets skip the questions for a bit and let me just test some of your basic senses. Lets start with your eyes.”
She started with a small flashlight that fit in her front pocket, and started waving it back and forth in front of my eyes, wanting them to follow it. The light was harsh, and my eyes felt heavy, making it difficult. She then held up her hand and asked how many fingers she was holding up, but her hand that close to my face made them seem blurry and I couldn’t quite tell. It was like I suddenly needed glasses for some reason. She drew her hand away.
“Alright, I think were done for now. I’ll just let you rest,” she murmured, with a polite smile on her face, as she was jotting several things down on her note pad, then going to discuss something with a couple of the nurses.
I then saw a nurse step up to one of the many tubes that were connected to me, with a syringe in hand and I immediately new by the look on her face that she was giving me some kind of medication to knock me out.
“Aw, come on! No, no, no, no!” I screeched, searching for my mom, seeing her talking with the doctor on the other side of the room. She heard my cry and came over to me, comforting me, telling me that I need to rest and that she’ll be here right when I wake up.
“What if I don’t wake up? Don’t make me go back there!” I screamed, alarming everyone in the room.
“It’s okay, honey. I love you and I’ll be right here,” I heard my mom say as I felt my eyelids grow heavy, so I surrendered and shut my eyes, too tired to fight anymore. She’ll put up with me later.
I then found myself running in a large, green field, with the grass as high as my knees and beautiful wildflowers billowing in the wind for as far as I could see. The sun was bright, at the highest point in the sky, beaming down on me so I could feel the heat cover my body. I ran to the rhythm of the beat that my bare feet made as they hit the ground. I wasn’t running from anything, just running for the joy of it.
I looked up, admiring the crystal blue of the sky, and as I looked back down, the beautiful green meadow was then gone. It was replaced by a pit of black swirls that I was about to fall in. I tried to stop running, but I was going to fast. I fell into the sinister black pit, as it’s dark clouds swallowed me up, the beautiful field disappearing.
My eyes popped open, to a place that I actually remember. I gasped as I realized I was safe in the much too white hospital room. I lay there and try to get my heart rate to slow down and try not to start freaking out. It was only a dream, I won’t go back there, I repeated to myself again, and again.
I cautiously looked around the now dark room. The TV hanging from the ceiling in the corner is still on, but muted, and all of the lights are off as I see my mom curled up in the reclining chair next to my bed. It didn’t look that comfortable, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. Her face was peaceful, all sense of the pain wiped clean. I look past her, and saw my little brother Alex sleeping on the ground, curled up next to the chair, on a big pile of blankets.
My heart seemed to fall into my stomach as I looked at his face, also peaceful with sleep. My memory of him is so vague, so it feels like this is one of the first times I have ever looked at my little brother. I have no recollection of thinking about him while I was away for those five months. Maybe it was because I never heard his voice. I wanted to wake him up and look into his eyes and fully remember him, but being here must take a toll on you. They both look like they’re so deeply asleep nothing could wake them up.
As I looked at my brother, I could feel my eyes water up and my vision grow blurry as the tears broke the surface and rolled down my cheeks. Alex must have not been as deep asleep as I thought, because he seemed to have heard my quiet crying and opened his eyes, looking up at me.
I could feel the smile spread all the way across my face as the tears began to come faster. “Hi,” was all I could say, as I watched him get up and stumble over to my bed, immediately climbing on to it and curling up next to me.
“Hi,” he said, wiping the tears off my face, “It’s about time you came back.”
We both said nothing and just lay there, until I could hear Alex’s breathing become deeper and more even, as he fell back asleep.
Ten
I must have fallen back asleep as well, because when I woke up, it was light again in the room. The TV was on, and my dad was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, watching it, or at least it looked like he was.
“Dad!” I screeched. I hadn’t seen him since I first woke up.
My shout made him jump as he turned around to see that I was awake. “Hi, Aub,” he said sweetly as he got up and crossed over to the bed. He looked at me with tired eyes. “How are you feeling?”
“Weird,” I replied. “So, would you like to tell me where you have been since the last time I saw you?” I asked, immediately changing the subject.
His face was abruptly cautious, as he tried to give me a smile, but I didn’t believe it. “It’s just been a little crazy around here. After all, this is where I work. I obviously have time off since you’re here, but we are so short lately that I try to help when I have the chance, mostly when you’re asleep,” he said, and something about his tone was extremely fake.
“Oh,” was all I said, looking him up and down, but then I remembered. He worked here. “You’re a doctor,” I realized.
“Yes,” he chuckled, joyed that I remembered. He patted my forehead. “Maybe it’s starting to come back. Slowly.”
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t count on that just yet,” I sighed. “Where are mom and Alex? And Marj-,”
He cut me off, immediately cautious again, knowing what I was about to ask next. He pretended like he didn’t hear that last part. “They, uh, went to, uh, go get something to eat. They should be back shortly,” he said, in the phony voice that I once again didn’t believe.
I grew very irritated. “Okay, look Dad-,” My questioning was interrupted as Dr. Michaels strolled into the room.
“Hey, Hugh,” she called to my father as she turned the corner. “Hello again, Aubree,” she smiled, as she walked over to check what looked like my heart monitor. “Looks like something gave you a scare earlier this morning. Your heart rate jumped. Do you remember anything that happened?” she asked.
“Um...,” I hesitated, as I remembered the vivid dream, “yeah, I just had a dream that wasn’t very pleasant this morning. But it’s nothing anyone needs to worry about.”
“Okay,” the doctor said, “are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. There was actually something else I wanted to talk about. I need to see Marjorie. Now. Where the hell is she?” I demanded, staring at my father. It was the doctor who answered, though.
“Aubree, I need to talk to your father for one moment out in the hallway, and then we’ll be back to answer your questions,” she told me, accepting no argument.
I glared at them both, not bothering to argue, as they walked out of the room. I strained my ears to be able to hear some of what they said.
“Hugh, I think you need to tell Aubree now. She seems to be going a lot stronger than she was. She needs...,” was all I heard the doctor say to my father before their voices faded away.
This is just plain wrong. My parents and even the doctor weren’t telling me something important, something I need to know. I need to see Marjorie, but they wont tell me anything about where she is. Why hasn’t she come to see me? Does she even know that I’m alive? My stomach twisted into knots as I realized that something must have happened to her. Why else wouldn’t she be here?
When Dr. Michaels and my dad came back into the room I nearly jumped out of my bed, if that were possible. I still couldn’t or wouldn’t move a lot yet.
The doctor was absurdly calm about the way I was reacting. “Aubree, you need to calm down. You don’t need to strain yourself over this.”
I tried to relax, but didn’t have much success. “Okay. This is getting ridiculous,” I said, “where is my sister?”
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